6.7.15 | Your Choice

Dr. David Whitaker | 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 1 Peter 2:21-23

Do you assume the worst? Or believe the best? In every single relationship, there is a gap. What you put into that gap will eventually determine the direction of your relationship. We come into our relationships with baggage, and often our expectations are built based on that junk we carry.

Download or listen to Your Choice to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your take away from this message?
2. What is the best piece of advice you've heard about making a relationship last?
3. What has been the most practical piece of advice from this series that you can apply to a current relationship (or future relationship)?
4. Do you have high expectations from your relationships? Or do you expect very little from those around you? Explain.
5. When there is a gap between what you expect from people and what they actually do, do you fill that gap by "believing the best" or "assuming the worst"? Give an example.
6. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the apostle Paul defines love with multiple descriptors. Which descriptors of loving come easy to you? Which aspects of loving do you find difficult?
7. Read 1 Peter 2:19-25. How does Christ's example guide you in your relationships? What specific steps can you take this week to fill the gaps in your relationships by choosing to trust and believing the best?
8. Moving Forward: Gaps occur all the time in relationships. There are gaps between what we expect from others and what they actually do. And in response, we can choose to trust and believe the best or we can choose the opposite and fill those gaps with negative assumptions. Or we can fill it with the description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. Relationships will grow or die depending on what you choose to place in those gaps.
9. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response that He might want you to take.

5.31.15 | The Heart of the Matter

Dr. David Whitaker | Proverbs 4:23

Everything you do in relationship flows from your heart. And no amount of love, commitment and romance that comes from your heart could compensate for the darkness that comes out, too. It’s in all of us, so how do we guard our heart from the temptation to lie, slander, gossip and hurt others?

Download or listen to The Heart of the Matter to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your take away from this message?
2. We all bring emotional "baggage" into our romantic relationships. What are some reasons why romantic relationships reveal this baggage more than any other kind of relationship?
3. Our "baggage" frequently results from family or romantic relationships. What are some specific experiences that have most contributed to your baggage?
4. Read Proverbs 4:23. In this verse, Solomon, famous for his wisdom, says to guard your heart above all else. What would tend to be your "pushback" to Solomon's counsel? Why would Solomon place such a high value on guarding your heart? How does Jesus affirm this in Matthew 15:18-19?
5. The condition of your heart will determine your ability to feel certain things. Why is this more important than your partner's behavior? How does the second half of Proverbs 4:23 support this assertion?
6. Unspoken emotions have a great deal of power over us. Why does verbalizing a specific emotion take away that power?
7. Often times, we feel defensive when our partners come to us and say, "When you do (blank), I feel (blank)." God gave us feelings - there are not bad feelings, and when we share feelings, we are providing an observation, not a criticism. From the message, what should be our response when someone provides this observation to their feelings? Why is this so difficult to do?
8. Moving Forward: What's inside of you is coming out. and it's not coming out because of who you are with, but because it was in you to begin with. If you want to stay in love, you have to pay attention to what is in there, so that you can own it. You have to have a plan to guard your heart - a plan that begins with thinking about and identifying specific emotions and then communicating them. Will you commit to this plan?
9. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response He might want you to take.

5.24.15 | The Canvas

Dr. David Whitaker | Philippians 2:1-7

Love is a verb. To fall in love, you have to have a pulse. To stay in love, you have to have a plan. It's so easy to fall in love, but it's very hard to stay in love. In a relationship, you have to make a choice: you have to choose to count the other more significant than yourself. What would the world look like if we lived this way?

Download or listen to The Canvas to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your take away from this message?
2. Who is the most famous person you have ever met? How did you interact with that person?
3. What is your most valued material possession? Describe this possession and how you treat it.
4. Read Philippians 2:1. How would you answer each of those statements from your personal experience?
5. What are some specific things you can do this week to value someone you love above yourself? (see vv.3-4)
6. Read Philippians 2:5-7. Describe a time when you have seen someone with power choose to serve rather than to leverage that position for his or her own benefit. How did you feel when you saw that?
7. Consider the following statement: "We can't have it both ways. We all must decide between demanding what we think we deserve and choosing to submit." Why can't we have it both ways? What are some ways this week you can choose to submit to the person you love?
8. Moving Forward: to stay in love, you have to choose to love each other the way Christ loved you - to treat the person you love as the most important person in the world. You have to be willing to put him or her first. What is keeping you from doing this? Is it worth missing the love-relationship that God designed for you?
9. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response He might want you to take.

5.17.15 | Q & A on Marriage and Relationship

Dr. David & Lanette Whitaker and Dr. Jeff & Marci Holmes

For the last several weeks, we've been collecting questions from our congregation about relationships, marriage and what it all has to do with the Gospel. Dr. David Whitaker and his wife, Lanette, of more than 30 years partnered with Dr. Jeff Holmes and his wife, Marci, of more than 20 years to answer these questions. 

Download or listen to Q&A on Marriage and Relationship to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your "take away" from this message?
2. What is unusual about the way Paul applies the general principle of v. 21 specifically to wives (vv.23-24)? How does the wife emulate Jesus' relationship with the Father (Philippians 2:5-8; 1 Corinthians 11:1-3)?
3. Who and why does he address husbands the way he does (vv. 25-33)? How does v. 21 to husbands? What would it mean for the husband to live with his wife with this type of love? How does the husband emulate Jesus (v. 25)?
4. In your own words, how would you express the goal of Christian marriage (v. 31-32)? What does marriage have to with "Christ and the church"?
5. How does the gospel empower as well as become a model for marriage?
6. In 1 Peter 3, how is the submission here similar in purpose to that in 1 Peter 2:13-15? What qualities are singled out? What does Sarah's example add?
7. In what way (1 Peter 3) are husbands to treat their wives?
8. Married or not, what qualities here would you like to build into your friendships with the opposite sex?
9. What would a marriage built on mutual submission actually look like?
10. Is Peter advocating that spouses stay in cruel situations? Why or why not?
11. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response He might want you to take.

5.10.15 | ...In An Environment of Grace

Dr. David Whitaker  | Ephesians 5:15-33

The Scriptures begin with a marriage, and they end with a marriage... Marriage has always been God's greatest model of how He relates to humanity. God uses marriage to transform and change us. The goal of Christ when He comes into our life is to be in His image, to be like Him. While we are here on earth, God is using husbands and wives to do that; but the ultimate marriage awaits us in heaven.

Download or listen to In An Environment of Grace to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your take away from this message?
2. What is the wise way for us to walk (vv. 8-18)? Reading the context of v. 18, what does it mean to be "filled with the Spirit"? What does that have to do with v. 21?
3. What is unusual about the way Paul applies the general principle of v. 21 specifically to wives (vv. 23-24)? How does the wife emulate Jesus (Philippians 2:5-8; 1 Corinthians 11:1-3; Jesus' relationship with the Father)?
4. Who and why does he address husbands the way he does )vv. 25-33)? How does v. 21 apply to husbands? What would it mean for the husband to live with his wife with this type of love? How does the husband emulate Jesus (v. 25)?
5. In your own words, how would you express the goal of Christian marriage (v. 31-32)? What does marriage have to do with "Christ and the church"?
6. How does the gospel empower as well as become a model for marriage?
7. What counter-cultural principles can you work on to be a better spouse (or potential spouse)? What core need does each spouse's obedience meet in the other (see v. 33)?
8. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response or trust that He might want you to take.

5.3.15 | Trouble in Eden

Dr. David Whitaker | Genesis 3:1-23

A covenant relationship is a relationship that is not determined by what the other party does. It is determined by what each of you has committed to do. Regardless of what you do or do not do, that commitment will be honored. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... It does not matter how bad it gets. That commitment will be honored. That is a covenant relationship.

Download or listen to Trouble in Eden to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. What is your take away from this message?
2. Which portion of the serpent's statements (vv. 1, 4, 5) are true and which are false (see 3:5, 22; 5:5)? Why do you think he mixes truth with lies?
3. Compare vv. 7-13 with Genesis 2. How has the relationship changed between the man and the woman? How has the relationship they had with God changed?
4. Why do they engage in the original "coverup" (2:25; 3:7), "hide-and-seek" (3:8-10) and "blame games" (3:12-13)?
5. From this story, how would you define sin and its consequences?
6. Where in this story do you find any good news? If Jesus is the ultimate offspring of Eve and Adam, and is Satan's enemy (v. 15), and if Jesus is the promised tree of life (v. 24; Revelation 2:7), what does that mean for us sinners?
7. How easy is it for you to accept responsibility and admit it when you are wrong? Why?
8. When do you feel most "naked" before God? How does this help you understand Adam's and Eve's reactions? Where in your life is the "serpent" seemingly alive and well?
9. How does the gospel story of Jesus address these issues between us and God? Between us and each other?
10. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response He might want you to take.

4.26.15 | The Art of Loving: Loving Out of the Right Box

Dr. Jeff Holmes | Ephesians 5:15-21

The agape style of love that God has given us to live out is a love that is based on sacrifice, sculpture and seeking. The job of a sacrifice is to die, to give up itself for something else. Our relationships are gifts that give us opportunities to do just that. As we learn to die to ourselves, God is shaping us like a sculpture, molding our hearts towards agape. This love seeks you out; you cannot escape it.

Download or listen to Loving Out of the Right Box to hear more.

These questions are provided for your further study and application of this message. It is helpful to discuss your answers with others such as your Community Group, family, friends or an accountability partner.

1. How did God speak to you through the message this week?
2. Read Ephesians 5:31-33. When you think about Christ's relationship with the church, how does that describe the submission in Paul's statement to submit to one another? (5:21)
3. The man's job is to "love" in the relational passage, and the woman is to "submit," then later in the passage, "respect"... How is loving the woman submitting to Christ? What does that look like for you? How is respecting the husband submitting to Christ? What does that look like for you?
4. Are Paul's words to the Ephesians different from what we've culturally believed?
5. Do you think there is a difference between love and respect? What do you think it is?
6. What is your personal calling from God out of these Scriptures? (see Ephesians 5:21)
7. Write out a prayer in response to what the Lord has taught you through this study and what steps in response He might want you to take.